Letters From Home

Eye Candy

2011-12-06T08:03:00.011-05:00

Some days I feel like I work in the only place that charges me $600 a year to park only to drive around and NOT get a parking spot. Love walking 4 blocks in 30 degree weather - up HILL. I need some drop it like it's hot eye candy!

These are not my pictures nor do I have the source. If I did I would gladly credit the source because these spaces are fanfreakingtastic! Gorgeous! Beautiful! Bravo!

Totally feeling the black/white/beige with green accent LOVE!

the D word consumes me

2011-12-01T21:26:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged in ages. There is so much I just don't know where to begin. My head is filled with anxiety and my heart is broken. The sleepless nights are back. Finally the no-appetite is back! The panic and racing heart is back. The always on the verge of panic because you know something is going to happen to come along and knock me on my ass. I feel like I take two steps forward and 10 steps back. I dread the coming holiday's. I'm sick with grief knowing that last year we spent the holiday apart from each other yet this year we'll likely be apart again although not by distance. Not sure how to describe it really. As the marriage counselor said "you can only control yourself and your actions." I can't control that he doesn't want to be married to me. I can't control that he is angry and wants to dwell on words said in heated arguments. I can't control that he feels my family is all conspiring against him. I can't control that despite being gone for the past 18 months he chose school over coming to my surgery and my sons birthday. He could have left school early or worked something out but as he said "he just didn't feel the need to because he didn't want to be there." I guess all I can control is myself and my feelings with all of this. The fact that he wants a divorce without even trying is killing me. I wish he would stop being so selfish and stubborn but I can't control him or his feelings. I can only control myself.

The "D" word consumes me. I hate even saying it. Thinking it is worse. I've been down that long ugly road and I know what it entails. Sleepless nights, lonely holidays crying yourself to sleep because your ex has the kid, missed birthdays, missed 1st day of school, the list goes on and on. I've lived through it and it is hell. He seems almost thrilled by the possibility of not having my son and I around. It's as if he can just forgot about us and it's himself, the two kids we have and his family. It hurts. The pain is unbearable at times. Does he really think that is what divorce is? Just start all over again and everything works out fine? So after a few months he's ready to call it quits? That's where I call bullshit.

I'm putting the blame where it belongs. That stupid fucking ridiculous long pain in the ass deployment. Thank you deployment for ripping another family apart. The kids have missed their dad for the past year now and they have no idea who dad is. They are so confused. They wanted us to just be a family again and they didn't even get the chance of any of that before the fighting started. He returns and BOOM it's off to the races. Both of us are at fault. I resent him for being gone and then coming home and acting as if I did NOTHING while he was gone. He resents me for a billion different reasons. Seems like he list a new one every day but I'm not going to dwell on that. What I'm furious with is the fact that his mind is already made up which tells me he clearly had some doubts during deployment which leads to more of my resentment. He couldn't just say while he was over there that we had some issues we needed to work on? Or he couldn't have been like sorry I enjoy my time to myself far more than I enjoy you and the kids. Some sort of fucking warning or heads up other than coming home a completely fucking different person? I feel so used and taken advantage of. The resentment over him being at ease with his decision in all of this is what pains me the most. He didn't even try nor was he going to. He completely fucking led me on this entire time knowing what he was going to do. I'm sick thinking of it. I feel like I moved heaven and earth for him at times and this is what I get in return. I feel so jaded by our relationship. I try really hard no to dwell on the past or the hurt we've had and he goes and does this? I don't bring up the horrible things he has done but he reminds me every time I try to talk to him of something I said or did. I wonder how he would respond if I treated him the way he treats me? It's a double standard. He can say and do as he pleases yet tells our marriage counselor I would have to be a different person for him to ever even consider our marriage working again. Nice. Way to play by the rules and fight fair. I wish I could just turn off my emotions like he does. It must be nice to just say "fuck it" and move onto something else and not worry about the damage you've caused. I guess those 7 years of marriage were nothing more than just him having someone to actually be there for him and support him. I was nothing more than just a stepping stone. Someone to fill the time for that period of his life.

7 years and he can't even try and work on our marriage? 7 years, 3 kids, 1 move, him having several jobs, joining the Army, IET, deployment, one kid hospitalized, one kid with genetic syndrome, health problems, me working fulltime and coaching and he just wants to throw it all away because each one of us can't get along with each others family? The bulk of our issues stem from our families and our backgrounds. He constantly thinks my family thinks he is a loser and I pretty much hate his family for being the hypocritical judgmental assholes that they are. There you have it. Two stubborn people from very different backgrounds. And here I thought love and commitment can weather any storm.

We weathered deployment but can't seem to get through post-deployment. I'm starting to really dislike words that begin with the letter D; deployment, divorce, distance, different, despair, depression, duty, dark, deceit, dreadful, decision, despise, dedication, defamatory, defeated, defective, deflect, degrading, the list could go on and on.

Despite all the shit that continues to rain on us I still love him and would fight for our marriage. It hurts that he doesn't feel the same way. Rejection never feels good. Stings even more when it comes from someone you really love and thought you could always count on.

Royal Wedding...

2011-04-29T20:30:00.002-04:00

WOW beautiful! I didn't get up and watch at 4am like my mom did but I'm watching the replays now and what a great couple. I hope they make it he seems smitten by her and damn if I'm not jealous of his "you look beautiful" at the alter. I didn't get that at either of my weddings! Oh well. I'm plotting how I can secretly find a way for my daughter to marry into royalty - this wedding is amazing to watch! Good for them. They seem truly in love and enjoy each other.

Humiliation

2011-04-06T20:04:00.003-04:00

I went to my doctors today. Haven't been sleeping. Panic/anxiety attacks, blah, blah, blah. Doctor is out of town so get complete jackhole f**&^&()()( that completely insults me, does not help me and charges me $20 all in a matter of 30 minutes. He tells me my situation is complicated and he can't really do anything to help but go to the ER. I tell him it's bullshit that a person has to go to the ER to get help for something that could be addressed in his mother *&^%*(( office. Health care cost anyone?

I leave insulted, pissed off and completely worked up over facing another night of no sleep, and panic attacks. Call my mom to vent to someone and get myself worked up even more and decide **^^ it I'll go to ER and waste more insurance money.

Get to ER and explain situation and completely lose it. I'm talking can't breathe, sobbing, heart racing, hands shaking, ears ringing, full blown balls to the wall panic attack. F.M.L. After sympathetic looks of "oh shit girlfriend has lost it" I hear "you're completely stressed out and handling too much for one person, you need sleep and help." Yes 3 kids, 2 jobs, kids health problems, job problems and deployment is tad much. I've lost my marbles and need to get them back.

Doctor orders sleep and the rest of the week off and gave me an anti-anxiety to calm the nerves. I hope it works. And since I'm being a complete whiner can I just add that my husband could give a shit less about all this. Yes it would be nice if he could show he cares just a little. Yes I'm being a baby and his response of "sorry skype u later" hurts my feelings. Skype later I think not. I'm hoping to be in the land of passed the f**& out not feeling anything later on.

You know your inlaws dislike you....

2011-04-05T19:28:00.002-04:00

1. They havent been to your house since dh left...

2. They talk with your dh ex fiance more than you...

3. You are not invited to family functions...

Guess I should be thankful to not have to purchase a gift?

God does give us more than we can handle...

2011-03-24T22:36:00.003-04:00

I really didn't want to write a "woe is me" post. Or whine about the complete chaos that is my life right now. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and I'm trying to keep it together for the kids but this has been the most difficult week in my life.

This week I learned that my oldest is being severely bullied

I learned that the bullying is much worse than we originally thought

I learned in great detail how he wants to commit suicide to get away from it all

I learned that I had to admit my child to the hospital to keep him safe and provide him with the help he needs

I learned that his teacher is a raging effing bitch that seriously needs to lose her job

I've learned that the Army's definition of "family emergency" and my definition are two different meanings

I learned that the pain of snapping my wrist or having surgery is nothing compared to the pain of my child's emotional hurting and how much it breaks my heart

I learned that I have to shoulder this all on my own since my husband is 8,000 miles away and cannot come home

I've learned that I'm angry beyond comprehension right now and just want to snap my fingers to take away his pain

I learned that my health insurance company is being pricks about his admission and want him discharged and supposedly I have one of the best policies around....big fat HA

I've learned that no longer can I be the nice complacent parent that just goes along with the schools suggestions about his IEP and needs

I've learned that even though treatment for mental illness has come a long way we still have miles to go

Finally I've learned that hell hath no fury like a mother who's child has been hurt...

"You couldn't possibly understand the life of the military wife"

2011-03-14T23:32:00.003-04:00

That statement used to irk me prior to hubby joining military. I mean I understood there was a world out there that I had yet to experience but I figured certainly I could relate, I was once a single parent too. WRONG. I used to think I juggled 2 jobs and a little boy by myself, certainly I could handle deployment and pre-deployment training and all the other BS that goes along with it. WRONG. I used to get annoyed with people that would discount relationships other than those made in the military because "we just didn't get it." WRONG AGAIN.

I used to say his joining the military would never define me and how wrong again I was! It's not that it defines me, but rather it's a huge part of my existence right now based on the fact that I'm here taking care of the kids and working while he's there doing his job. How can that not define some part of my life? I haven't slept in months. When I do fall asleep I wake up with nightmares. When I think to RnR I get stressed about making it perfect. When I think of life after deployment I'm consumed with anxiety about the future and what that means. The military has played a huge role in our family since January 2010 so how is it people can be such insensitive assholes?

Why? Because they just don't get it. They have no clue and it's not even worth trying to explain it. I'm a scattered brain because I haven't slept. My house is little chaotic because he isn't here. My emotional state is completely fragile. My nerves are shot. My hair is a hot ass mess because I haven't had the time to go and get it done. When I do reach out and ask for help I'm insulted. I'm not whining I'm just simply stating the facts. Deployment life is crazy. Hell I'm starting to think military life is crazy and not for the weak. So when I see a counselor and I'm told I need to reclaim my power back and "make time for myself and hang out with girlfriends", excuse me while I bite my tongue for fear of screaming BITCH PLEASE. Hanging out with my girlfriends is the least of my worries right now. And excuse me for not heeding the advice of the all knowing counselor that "you have to hire out help for cleaning and taking care of your kids" when we're still paying off bills. Again people just don't get it. I could try and explain but it would seem like I'm making excuses to them so I just sit bite my tongue and listen. Needless to say that counseling session was a big fat FAIL. Then again what did I expect? It was free counseling through work. Of course the advice is going to be one-sided and not at all sympathetic to the needs of a military family. I live in a state that has NO ACTIVE military bases around not to mention a state full of lefty liberals that like to insert their objection to the military whenever they can.

That being said I think I will try somewhere else and keep on keeping on. I can't fault people for not knowing or understanding life during deployment. If you haven't lived it you just don't know. This is one saying that rings true!

NO sleep till Brooklyn...

2011-03-07T00:45:00.003-05:00

I can't sleep. I haven't slept. I slept last night with the aide of Ambien and my parents taking the kids for the night. Other than that it's been insomnia and anxiety since last Tuesday. I have no idea what is going on with me. Is it deployment anxiety/stress? Is it life anxiety/stress? Is it coaching anxiety/stress? Is it parenting ALONE anxiety/stress? My guess its a little of all the above. Throw in pressures at work, deadlines, sick kids and lack of sleep equals some pretty crazy emotions.

I really thought I was hanging in there pretty well and then all of sudden BOOM everything seem to hit all at once. I think the fact that I'm alone, have been alone pretty much since last February, and will be alone for many more months to come is weighing heavily on my mind. The unknown of the future has me completely filled with anxiety. Will we transition right back to where we left off? Will I be able to forgive his family for being complete unhelpful assholes? Will I be able to forgive him for never sticking up for me or the kids with his family? Will he be happy to be home again after being gone so long? So much I'm worrying about when I should be sleeping, if only I could sleep.

Last night was the first night I slept in many nights thanks to Ambien. Except Ambien can make you have crazy dreams. I know they were just dreams/nightmares but it certainly adds to the anxiety when I have nightmares about him never coming home. Gahhhh I need sleep. Sleep, sleep, beautiful sleep!

Numbers consume me...

2011-02-24T12:38:00.003-05:00

I work with numbers. I live with numbers. Numbers consume me. If only I could work my bank account numbers into something magical! Oh well time and money... time, money and HARD work!

2 is the number of Sudifed I have consumed this morning

3 is the number of times I've said "ugh this damn sinus headache go away!"

2 is the number of pant sizes I have dropped

1 is the number of people that have noticed

10.5 is the number of inches of snow we got Sunday

6 is the predicted number of inches we're getting tonight

0 is the number of snowblowers/throwers we own

1 is the number of shovels broken this week

47 is the number of four letter words muttered regarding said white stuff

5 is the number of home improvement projects I want to tackle

0 is the amount I have saved for said projects

6 is the number of times I have looked at this project and screamed WOW - seriously go there now and see this for yourself. It's truly amazing how awesome her countertops came out!

3 is the number of times I have fallen asleep this week instead of skyping hubby :(

2 is the number of new jobs I've applied for

50 is the number of pounds I want to loose to get back to prebaby body

6 is the number I've lost so far

4 is the number of people, places I need to call to schedule appointments

14 is the approx number of weeks until RnR

0 is the number of weeks I wish it was

3 is the number of stores I have called to see if they have snowblowers

3 is the number of stores SOLD OUT of snowblowers

60 minutes is how long I predict it will take to shovel us out tomorrow

60 is the number of four letter words that will be muttered or thought tomorrow morning

45 is the number of minutes it will probably take me to get to work

5 is the number of times I will hear snide remarks about it

5 will be the number of times I'll wish I could exercise my middle finger

0 will be the number I actually do it

0 is the number of minutes left in my lunch hour

Operation: Emily Room Organization

2011-02-22T09:41:00.004-05:00

Princess has issues. And by issues, I mean the girl refuses to part with anything be it toys, pictures, random stickers, etc. At least once a week we have a discussion about her room and the need for it to be cleaned up. She insists that her little brother is the one creating the mess. I remind her that she is the one playing barbies, not him, and we have this same conversation at least 3x per week. Over the holiday's I created a desk/work area for her to help keep the crayons, markers and stickers organized. Working with a ~~non-existent~~ limited budget I went with my old stand by IKEA and created a new space for her spending only $40. I'd like to create a chair cover of some sort, but for now the pink ikea folding chair will have to do until I can channel my inner Martha.

Project Total - $40.92

Ikea chair - $12.99

Ikea shelf - 3.99

Ikea shelf brackets - .99 each

Ikea table top - $5

Ikea table legs - $3 each

Ikea containers - .99 each

Ikea container holder thingy - $1.99

Everything else I reused from around her room. Originally I thought I could re purpose a desk we already had or find something on Craigslist for $10 and under but when I thought about cost of paint, time, sanity, weather and the fact that hubby is deployed, the Ikea route seemed the easier way to go for this project! I'm pleased and she's pleased that she has her own desk area that she can now clutter up with all her stuff.

Ignore the box and change on the floor. I was still in the midst of cleaning everything up when I took this photo with my cell phone. Yeah the camera is broke. Why? I'm blaming the little people I live with....:)

Time to move on...

2011-02-14T21:28:00.002-05:00

Tonight was my sign that it's time to retire and move on from coaching. I love it. I do. However I've aged out of this age-group (high school) and I would probably do better coaching the same age of kids, but on the age-group level meaning mommy and daddy are paying for it therefore, THEY (kid) wants to be there, and mommy and daddy because they are paying make it a PRIORITY for them to be there.

Too many kids are involved or signing up for activities just to put on college applications. This means you get lots of kids, however the number of them that actually want to put forth 150% effort is very little. Yes it's great to encourage the learning process and to be competitive in the college application world. HOWEVER, how can these kids excel at anything when they're taking AP courses, involved in sports, 1st chair band, key club, NHS, Church, volunteering, work, family time, etc., etc. Seriously parents pull your head out of your ass and think for a moment. Why is your adolescent daughter at the verge of tears all.the.time? Why, I'll tell you why. Because she runs from one activity to the next. She isn't able to fully commit herself to anything because she is doing so much. When she isn't working, volunteering, or studying, she is expected to be part of family therapy or family activities. And then you go and schedule that activity DURING practice time meaning she will miss practice, meaning I will be irritated, and her teammates will be pissed. See how that works out? Yeah it doesn't work so well does it. Why not select 1-2 activities and call it a day? This way they can still maintain schoolwork (GPAs), still be part of NHS, key club, etc., and still be able to apply to college and have some sort of chance. And how about teaching your kid how to commit yourself to an activity by demonstrating bringing them to and from practice during schedule practice times? Not when you feel like it. Or not before or after activity a, b, c, d.

And why as parents and society have we let the educators put this much damn pressure on our kids? Yes life is tough. Yes, kids need to learn to be competitive. However, when you allow your band teachers to mandate evening practices on top of the 5 hours per week they already have schedule you create problems. When you allow the college admissions offices to open admission globally don't be pissed when you're kid can't get in. And when did community college for the first 2 years become so taboo? Bitch please is all I can say. Ain't nothing wrong with going the community college route and then transferring your 3rd year. NOT only do you save money, you will probably get a better education when you're not sitting in a lecture hall with 500 other freshman students...just sayin...

We put so much pressure on these kids to be perfect in everything they do yet we don't allow them to just pick something and excel at it. We expect them to do 35 different activities and then get pissed when the kid can't pull through. I'm just as guilty of this. I was more than pissed at a kid tonight after she started crying and complaining she was going to throw up after I swam her 3x in a row. Nothing out of the ordinary and certainly nothing to get upset about but she couldn't handle the pressure and expectation that I was putting on her. I was challenging her and she just couldn't handle it. I have 18 of those kids. EIGHTEEN. I can't spend all my practice time consoling kids and telling them it will all be better when the truth of the matter is "bring your ass to practice every day and this wouldn't be such an issue", but that wouldn't be very PC now would it. I just don't understand these kids today. They are so competitive when it comes to college applications and being able to one-up each other, yet when you ask them to push themselves physically they fall apart. Why? How else do you get better at something? YOU PRACTICE OR STUDY! Why is that concept void when doing sports? Aghhh I just don't get it.

Having spent so many years on the coaching side of kids activities I can tell you that I refuse to do this to my kids. I refuse to have them involved in so many activities that they are constantly running with NO time for anything. I refuse to be that parent that schedules family therapy and other family events DURING practice times. I refuse to watch my kid stay up all hours of the night just to get everything done that is required of them.

So after all that bitching I've come to the realization that I'm just too damn old and crabby to deal with this anymore. I'm tired of spending my free time on people that just completely take advantage of it. And I'm tired of watching really great kids turn into complete basket cases because of the amount of pressure that is placed on them. Needless to say I think I need to retire at the end of this season and take a hiatus for awhile.

One of those days...

2011-02-13T21:11:00.003-05:00

Today for the first time in a LONG time I actually wished to revisit my early 20's. You know the days pre-kids were if you were dog tired and sick you could actually lay around and rest? The days where getting the laundry or housework done were optional and it wasn't the end of the world if it didn't get done over the weekend. Yeah those days...

I'm sick with some nasty bug and would love to just sleep it off but as a mommy that just isn't possible. The kids need clean clothes. The kids need valentine treats for tomorrow's parties. The kids need breakfast, lunch and dinner. The kids need baths, medicine, nail clippings, teeth brushed, etc., etc. I took some sudifed earlier and now I'm high on Nyquil. God I hope something works quick. The body aches and earaches are the worst. I can live with everything else but geesh body aches just go away already. I wish I could take tomorrow off and rest. I wish I could call in sick for myself but its just not possible. So I'm arming myself with 5-hour energy drinks, oranges and lots of water in hopes I'll make it through the day.

I did manage to get the house clean and 5 loads of laundry done so I don't feel like a complete slacker today. Oh and WTF is wrong with my vacuum? All of sudden it's not picking up stuff anymore and seems to be spitting back out the dirt/debris from the bagless container. Anyone have this happen? Okay clearly the nyquil is kicking in....

nighty nite!

4 miles in 59 minutes...

2011-02-11T22:01:00.002-05:00

I actually ran 4 miles in under an hour....and yes I'm dedicating an entire post about it! For many people (runners) this isn't blog worthy material or even anything to get excited about. However for me and my thighs we are jumping for joy. Running and I have never been bff's. Swimming, yes. Running, no.

So now that I've proven to myself and my thighs that I can do it, it's time to step up the healthy eating. I've never been a dieter or crash dieter per say. I'd rather work out for hours on end then keep a strict diet. However, as I've aged and popped out little people, I can no longer get away with eating whatever I want. As much as I would love to sit around eating twinkies and pizza I just can't do it anymore. I'm not going to starve myself or deprive myself of goodies, but I'm definitely counting calories and keeping track of things. I've also been using the kids plates instead of regular dishes to keep portions in check. It's a lot easier to over eat and fill a plate using a regular size dinner plate! Another thing I've done is given up ALL soda. Haven't had one since last weekend and it's friggin killing me. I've also cut myself off of caramel frappe's from crackdonalds. I can have one per week as a special treat and that's it. No more morning crack for me....boo!

So while I don't have grandiose plans of ever looking like I did pre-kids, I do hope to drop 50 pounds so I don't cringe when seeing pictures of myself or walking past a mirror!

Blog Envy?

2011-02-08T12:25:00.002-05:00

Do you ever suffer from it? You know how you read blogs and think "wow this person has the most beautiful house in the world...", or "look at how put together her and her kids are", or "these pictures are incredible, they are so talented, gorgeous, etc., etc..."

Yeah I suffer from that alot. I guess one could call me a slacker but slacker I am not. I'm just a horrendously over worked busy mom of 3 with a deployed husband. Yes I know using the "deployment excuse" gets old but dammit it's the honest to God truth.

Pictures of my house today would include pee on the bathroom floor since the 2 year is potting training and the 10 year old for the life of him cannot hit the hole. And yes the 10 year olds pee is from last week. No I have not cleaned it up yet. Why? Well because he went to his dads house over the weekend and I think he should be the one to wipe it up. He's 10 and has 2 perfectly good working arms. Time for him to start understanding the concept of "piss on the floor...you get to clean it up...mommy loves you!" The 2 year old gets off this time. He's 2 and still learning that his thing shoots in any direction unless aimed otherwise. I can honestly say that the bedrooms are fairly clean. Well that is if you don't count the coloring or stickers on the walls. Or the lovely finger prints going up the staircase. Oops forgot about the ones down the hallway or at the front door. Oh and don't forget boots and mittens all over the place. It's that time of year don't you know...

Candid photos of kids and I would not be very ahem....pretty shall we say? Well the kids would be cute because they are kids and the cutest kids in the damn world if I don't say so myself. Anyway. Like I said the 2 year old is potty training. This means right now he comes home and tears off his diaper/underwear/pull-up and walks around with no pants on. Yes this means his business is always out and about for the world to see. Yes I worry about the door bell ringing. No I'm not so worried about pizzle on the floor. Yes I'm tired of him walking around grabbing his junk. No I don't care that he's sitting on the furniture bare assed. Princess has at least 3 wardrobe changes per day. Usually one outfit consists of leopard print leggings, undershirts, rain boots, headband, umbrella and a multitude of accessories. Again, yes I worry about someone ringing the door bell and seeing the pant less 2 year old and over accessorized 5 year old. No I don't care about the clothing strewn about the household. The little peeps and I will pick it up at the end of the evening. If not....well there is always tomorrow! The 10 year old is fairly put together. Well he's easy at least. Not easy to get to pee in the toilet, shower or brush his teeth, but easy to dress and keep dressed throughout the day. His clothes are sorted by day and he puts them on and that's it. I on the other hand scream of "HAM" (hot ass mess). My hair hasn't been cut or colored since October. No I don't have time or money to do either. No I really don't care right now. Why? Well because I work with shitheads that could care less about me so I could care less that they have to see my unkept hair up in a ponytail 24/7. As for make-up? Yeah that's not happening either. Why waste perfectly good product on people that go out of their way to insult me or put me down? That's like shaving you're legs and lady business and getting no action. Seems like a waste of time and effort to me! I'd rather stay in my frumpy phase during hubby's deployment then get all dolled up with nowhere to go other than to work with a bunch of absolute shitbags! I still maintain looking like a female. You know no unibrow or mustache, but no I don't have this overwhelming urge to look pretty for the dolts I get to hang out with everyday. Anyway didn't someone say the au-natural look was in? Oh they didn't....my bad! I thought it was perfectly acceptable to not wear make-up on a daily basis. Oh it's not? Oh effing well! In the great words of Kim Zolciak "eat shit and die!". That was seriously a joke! If you don't know who Kim Zolciak is you seriously are missing out on the biggest laughable reality tv star evah!

So yes while I sit in my house filled with pizzle and no make-up, I stalk blogs with great envy in hopes that I one day will get my shit together. I will host tons of parties complete with fabulous table decor that would make the designers at Pottery Barn cry, complete with beautiful hair and make-up putting all real ho-wives to shame, and children that look like they are fresh out of a JCrew ad! I will live the life. The beautiful life. The life with perfect children that don't make messes, the life with actual time to purty myself up. The life with husbands sharing beer and football at the grill, while the wives trade recipes and share of plans to rule the PTO. The life of children with no health or behavior problems. The life where the sun is always shining and everything is beautiful. The life straight out of a marketing ad that so many of us try to duplicate. Yes I am envious of.it.all! I want the perfect life!

Until then, the pizzle will get cleaned up tonight. I will work and then go home and make dinner and lunches for the kids. Then I'll turn on the most ridonkulous reality tv show while I hit the treadmill. The kids will be fast asleep in their beds dreaming of the day daddy returns so that mommy can stop being so damn delirious all the time. Until then back to work since my lunch hour is officially over...

I said I would never do one of these...

2011-02-07T09:42:00.003-05:00

and I lied...

I admit I was curious and wanted to see just how much we had left to go. And while I lied, I was right about it depressing the shit out of me. Just seeing it makes it that much more real. I suppose when we only have 25% left I'll be thrilled but until then. BOO.

Too buzzed to write a title...

2011-02-04T22:37:00.002-05:00

The week from hell has come and gone. Thank you Jesus and my mom for getting me through it. Rather than come home from hosting a huge meet and going to sleep, I decided a large glass of wine was in order! My week has been just lovely. They say when it rains or pours. Or I prefer shit storms. For whatever reason unbeknown to me, shit seems to always hit all at once. However looking on the bright side maybe that means the rest of the month will go well?

Sunday - spend day in urgent care for princess ear infection

Monday - car accident-car is effed, get ticket, cry my eyes out, have to call into work A.G.A.I.N.

Tuesday - snow storm from hell begins

Wednesday - snow storm from hell ends...no school, no daycare = no work A.G.A.I.N.

Thursday - prepare for hellish Friday

Friday - HELL

Friday night - completely buzzed on cheap wine because after all I already have the headache so mine as well risk a hangover to go along with it.

So to the week from hell you can kiss my grits. Piss off. Bite my ass. Go eff a tree. Eat my shorts...etc., etc.

And for the love of God in-laws I don't need your money right now. It would be nice if you could spend some time with your grand kids so I can try and reclaim my sanity even if just for a few hours. I appreciate the offer to help with the car expenses, I really do, however my kids need mommy to be sane and functioning. Gah why is it so hard to communicate this to them?

Oh and I just have to share this epic fail of the day. Went to play the national anthem at our meet and "Oh Canada" starting playing. After being completely embarrassed I had to wonder - WTF do we even have "Oh Canada" at the pool? Can we say awkward....yeah....fml...

Holding on...

2011-01-30T21:20:00.002-05:00

I'm holding on to this ride of my life for dear life. I'm not sure where this is going or why, but I'm trying to hang on. Part of me thinks I should just go where it takes me and the other part of me thinks I should fight for dear life for what I feel is right.

I really thought we could make it through this deployment but the reality of the matter is; he's changed and so have I. I do hope we make it but I'd be a damn liar if I said I wasn't hoping he would mature and gain some perspective on things. He is still so focused on him, his needs, his career, that he fails to see my needs, my career, the kids, etc. I'm trying to hang in there and fight through it but I'm tired. I've given him nothing but complete support for his decision since last January. In return I'm not getting much other than him finally fulfilling his financial obligations. Yeah I realize that sounds horrible but when you're married and have kids you take on the responsibility of taking care of them. With the horrible economy for many years I had to carry us financially and it's taken a long to time to catch up. We're still catching up on things but it's light years from what it was a year ago. I do appreciate him for that. I appreciate him for joining knowing he would deploy in hopes of furthering his career. However, I don't appreciate the lack of support I get from him or his dick faced family. It's not easy taking care of 3 kids while working 2 jobs, managing the household, paying the bills, dealing with health problems for one kid and a host of car repair issues that I could write about for days.

There is talk and rumors going around his unit that they will be returning 4 months early. I should be happy about that but honestly I'm not. What will happen when he returns? He has no job to return to? Our finances will spiral out of control again and the kids will be subject to our constant fighting and tension in the house. He seems to think he will come home and go to school full time on his GI bill and get unemployment. The skeptic in me feels this either won't happen or he'll start classes and won't finish like he has the past 4 or so semesters. Plus I'm not believing that you can get unemployment that easily. And really is $230 per week really going to financially keep a family of 5 afloat? No sorry but it's not. Yes many will call me a bitch and I'm sure he will even tell me I'm high maintenance and being a bitch but when we had kids and took on the responsibilities we did, we did so knowing that we would have to work hard to maintain our sort of lifestyle. Unfortunately I will not subject my kids to living in shitty neighborhoods and school districts for a lower living cost. If that makes me high maintenance than so be it. I work 2 jobs so I feel as though I do have a say in things. If I wasn't working or contributing to the household account I could see how he would have a valid argument, but the point is, my kids will not live in shit simply because we can't get it together. I've worked too hard and too long to just throw everything away. I will not go down without a fight. My kids will always get the best I can give them. If that means I go without then I go without. However, my kids will live in a safe neighborhood, go to safe schools, have clean clothes that fit them and have food in the house at all times. I don't give a rats ass what I have to do to make that happen other than it will happen.

I've worked my whole life. Sometimes up to 3 jobs simply because I refuse to let my kids live in squalor. I may not be the best mom in the world or the smartest, but I will give my kids 200% of everything I have. If that means I have to suck it up and deal with him signing on for another deployment simply because he can't find a job back home then it is what it is. Michigan sucks. The job market here is shit and it's going to take some time to recover from the failing economy that has plagued our area for almost a decade now.

I guess the point of this is that no matter how depressed I am, no matter how lonely and sad I am, I will continue to put my kids needs first. If that pisses off husband too damn bad. Like I tell my swimmers, suck it up and do what you need to do to get the job done. Life is hard, deployment is harder but when you bring kids into this word it's your job as the parents to do whatever it takes to provide them the best life possible.

Just have to keep fighting on. Don't give up even when I feel as though I can't go on anymore, just keep pushing forward for the kids. I can do this. I may cry a lot and be completely depressed right now but push forward. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is always another day and you will get through this.

I love my husband more than words can express but sometimes he and I just don't see eye to eye on things. We're both stubborn and usually try to compromise but when it comes to the kids lifestyle, I won't budge. My kids will not grow up in shit. That's not saying we spoil them and give them anything they desire, it just simply means it's our job to provide them with the best resources possible for a good education, stable family life and solid foundation. Call me crazy or snobby or bitchy, whatever, but that's what I want for my kids. The fact that my husband and I continue to bicker over this really pisses me off. I'm not budging...these are my kids. I will die before I let them go without.

Breakdown

2011-01-26T19:20:00.002-05:00

I think its safe to say that we've reached that point in the deployment where I'm annoyed as hell, completely exhausted and at the verge of a breakdown. Scratch that...I think internally I'm having a breakdown I'm just trying to hide it from everyone else. I'm probably not doing a very good job of that either!

The holidays came and went. The kids had a great time and I enjoyed the time off. Then it was back to reality with work, coaching, kids, bills, health issues, life, and doing it all alone. Combined with frigid temps and grey skies I think its safe to say depression has kicked in big time. I'm still trying to combat it all with working out, medication and keeping busy but dammit I'm only one person!

I won't even get into the issues of trying to maintain a relationship while one is deployed. He's just as pissy as I am. Granted we're dealing with some health issues with Princess, but still, if he was here it would probably be WWIII and I'd be the proverbial bitch that I'm frequently labeled as.

You go from missing them to be pissed at them. Why? I knew he would be gone. It's not his fault he is deployed. I'm not mad at him. I'm mad that he doesn't even validate what is going on back home and how hard everything is. When I try and talk to him he starts complaining about how hard it is for him and the conversation turns into him, his needs, his feelings, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I guess I'll talk to my blog because that's about the only place I can let it all out. And now I've just turned into one of those whiny bloggers that always pisses and moans about how horrible things are. See I can't even express myself here without feeling like a whiner.

Ok taking a break from whining...I'm sitting here in Panera and some dude just sat across from me and starting knitting his blanket. Whoa talk about not seeing that every day! Good for him and damn that looks nice and cozy. It's freezing in here! Brrrr....

Back to whining and moaning about life. I should be at practice right now but I had to take a mental health day. I can't even function right now let alone hold in my emotions long enough to not show that I'm ready to lose it. And it's not like I can share that with anyone. I have to put on the front that everything is fine and dandy. HA that couldn't be farther from the truth. But to my swimmers and my kids they don't know that. We'll they might see me stressed but other than that they have no clue and I have to keep it that way. Of course my mom lets me know that my kids do see it and that they are experiencing it, blah, blah, blah. Thanks for the self esteem boost ma! She means well but sometimes I just don't need to hear that shit. And let me just share my adoring love for the greatest inlaws on the planet! That was total sarcasm in case you missed that. Those bleeping, bleeper, bleepity, bleep, bleepers can take a flying leap off a tall cliff. Seriously go eff yourself! MIL ask how princess is doing and I tell her I think she had another episode, doc thinks it's a seizure and she says "oh poor SIL kid and how she has it much worse." Yes you're right she does have a serious handicap but don't dismiss my kids problems right now. We've been through MRI, ER, countless appointments, new glasses and still no answers so don't proceed to make me feel bad for worrying about my daughters health issues you effing hag. That's the shit that pisses me right the hell off. I'm not comparing or trying to make her issues bigger. I'm simply expressing my fear that I don't know how to help her right now since we don't know what the problem is. But thanks anyways for giving a shit and actually being concerned....hag.

Yes I could use some understanding and acceptance of stupid ass people, forgive me as of right now I just don't have the patience or "give a damn" to care. When I want your opinion I'll ask. When I want you to tell me how to raise my kids...I'll ask. When I want to be stalked on Facebook...I'll let you know. When I want your .2 as to what I need to do to fix my life I'll be sure to ask for it. Until then how about a nice big glass of STFU and just listen or give me a shoulder to cry on. Would it be that difficult to just offer me that? Yes it is that difficult which is why I'm venting on my blog.

So yes my life could be horribly worse. My kids could have a horrible disease. My husband could be hurt. Yes I'm fully aware that life could be a whole lot worse. I do have perspective of things and I'm in no way trying to be a drama queen. I'm just one person trying to work 2 jobs while taking care of 3 kids while my husband is deployed. Excuse me for not doing it with a smile on my face 24/7! Damn you super women! You make us non-super women types look like total slackers!

Whaaa, whaaaa, whaa, poooooor me....booooo!

Facebook drama...

2010-12-16T09:17:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that I'm in my 30's and partaking in FB drama. Well let me rephrase that. I didn't post a link on my FB intending to start drama. I posted this link on my FB wall. Since my hubby is deployed and I'm friends with lots of other people who have loved ones deployed I thought it was worth sharing. Apparently I thought WRONG.

A couple wives and I were commenting on the link talking about how great it was, how we can't wait to be that close to finishing deployment, yada, yada, yada, when crazy ass (SIL) sees it and thinks this means hubby is coming home? Really? Really? It doesn't stop there...

She calls my cell phone 5 times. She emails me. She sends me chats and messages on FB wanting to know when he will arrive. Then she sends the rest of the hysterical emotionally unstable bunch an email telling all of them that he is coming home. REALLY? So now while I'm dealing with issues at both jobs, sick kids, doctor appointments, etc., etc., I get to deal with her going ape shit because I'm not responding to her when she thinks Tommy is coming home. And I have to quote my hysterically funny mother...."his name is TOM for Gods sake"!

I suppose I could have responded explaining myself and the link and what we were talking about.... BUT I made the decision to NOT feed the monster as I like to call it. I don't jump when she says to jump. I don't react. I don't respond, I just ignore it in hopes that one day she'll get it that I'm not interesting in partaking in her dramatic bullshit anymore. She is like a walking, talking hurricane. Completely unable to control herself or her emotions and I have to make a choice to either have that in my life or not. I chose to not have it. I'm doing everything I can to keep it together for my kids and myself so I can't invite that craziness into my life right now. I do owe it to his family to at least send a brief email explaining that NO he is not coming home and that someone completely ASSumed the wrong thing. After that I'm going to have to make a tough decision in either removing them as FB friends or just deleting my account. I'm pissed that these people can't be bothered to help out when I need it, yet they have all the time in the world to stalk my FB and then ASSume things and misinform people. I'm left cleaning up the mess and feeling like the bad guy because I have to say "sorry but he isn't coming home and I'm not sure where you got that info..." God this is so silly. Considering SIL is 40 years old...shouldn't she be more ~~stable~~ mature with things?

The icing on the cake was opening my email this morning to find one from my MIL. She says that she has asked me several times to provide her with the link for the protein drink he wants and that I have not done so. First of all....it's not a protein drink. It's a 5-hour energy drink. I provided you mental giants the photo, the link at Walgreens, and a number of stores (Target, Kroger, Meijer, CVS, etc) that carry said drink. This is not difficult. Why do they make everything so difficult? I mean seriously am I wrong here? I copied and pasted the damn photo into an email so they could have a visual reference? Really? Then again these are the same people that have asked for his address FIVE mother effing times. FIVE times. Do I need to etch it in stone for them to understand it? W.T.F.

I'll say it again. I do not for the life of me understand how my husband survived his childhood in that cluster f(*& of a family of his.

Things that make you go hmmmmm....

2010-12-14T12:55:00.005-05:00

Raise your hand if you remember that lovely lyrical tune of the 90's! The title of that song has me going "hmmmmm" just thinking that someone wrote a song and got paid thousands for THAT. Haha although I could probably write an entire blog dedicated to ridiculous song titles and the amount of money made off of them!

There are many things making me go "hmmmmm" or more like WTF are they thinking? Or WTF is wrong with them. Or how about just W.T.F.!

If the road is covered in ice and my car is sliding down the hill because I can't get traction, how is honking your horn or flicking me off going to rectify the situation? Does flicking me off make you feel better? Does it get you to work any quicker when the light is red and traffic is backed up 3 blocks because of the ice? Hmmmm. If flicking me off and calling me names makes you feel better while driving on that ice go right ahead buddy! And yes that was me waving as I passed by you stuck in another lane of traffic....hahahahaha....and yes I was laughing while shaking my fist in defeat...silly little douche bag!

No amount of salt in the world can melt ice when the temp is -10. Sorry folks but you can't blame the city on bad road conditions this time. Yes 99% of the time they suck and do as little as possible, however when it's FREEZING there is little they can do other than clear the snow. This is Michigan. Either adapt or get the hell out. And while we're on the subject of adapting....why, why, WHY are you driving a smart car on ice going well over 60 on the freeway? Do you have some sort of death wish? Guarantee this would be the same person screaming it's the counties fault for their horrific accident. No moron. It's your fault for being a dolt and driving too fast in icy conditions while driving your silly little smart car.

You can't fix stupid...

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In!

2010-12-10T09:33:00.006-05:00

It's Friday so you know what that means! MilSpouse Friday Fill-In! Check out the party at Wife of a Sailor.

1. What do you see your life like in 10 years?

Hopefully hubby will have a job in law enforcement somewhere. Who knows if he'll still be in the Guard in 10 years. My guess is yes. The kids will be older meaning we won't be shelling out thousands of dollars a month in daycare, however we'll be paying in car insurance and college tuition. Other than that we'll just have to wait and see what the future holds!

2. What do you like most about your job?

Benefits! 15 sick days per year. 24 days of vacation per year. All holidays and the week of Christmas/New Years is off paid. Employee/employer 401k match 5%/10%. Health, dental, vision, legal, FSA, long-term disability, etc. Plus 14 years in...

3. What are three things you do every day, no matter what day it is?

Get my ~~crack~~ coffee from the local ~~crack house~~ McDonalds. Get the kids dressed. Check skype to see if hubby is on.

4. What would you do with an extra five hours in your day today?

Today I would wrap all the presents I'm hiding in my bedroom. Then I would work out and do laundry. Exciting I know. Don't hate...you know you want to spend your Friday night doing the same!

5. What is your favorite Christmas (or whichever holiday you celebrate) cookie recipe (please share!)?

Fatty cakes/cookies

-Go to local store.

-Buy refrigerated cookie dough - it doesn't matter what kind. Whatever kind you prefer!

-Bake cookie dough following directions on package. Don't be the moron that assumes the directions are the same for all brands. This is not the case nor do I know this from personal experience.

-Give kids 1-2 cookies each.

-When kids ask for more tell them the rest got burned.

-When kids go to bed, eat ~~burned~~ hidden cookies.

-Now get on the treadmill and and try and burn off your shame and guilt and hope the kids don't inherit your sweet tooth or bad habits.

I miss you...

2010-12-08T23:06:00.002-05:00

This song pretty much sums up the week!

A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you, so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I’m tired I should not have let you go

Ooooooooooooooooo

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms

This is not happening...

2010-12-04T20:19:00.003-05:00

My biggest fear of deployment is slowly underway. I have a huge FEAR of the stomach flu invading our house. Last year it happened and hubby was still home and could at least provide help while I was busy praying to the porcelain Gods. With him gone what shall I do? Princess told me that two kids in her class went home on Friday because they threw up all over the classroom....

So what happens tonight? I'm getting ready to give her and I some cold medicine since we're both feeling like crap and she projectile vomits all over the kitchen. I have never seen anything like it. One minute she's standing there talking, the next she's puking everywhere. Good grief this can't be happening. So I anticipate it will run its course with her this evening, little man tomorrow and me the next day? Let's hope this isn't the long lasting kind. Send some prayers my way please. I'm going to need a miracle to get through puking, cleaning up puke, getting to the grocery store AND working on Monday. No way can I call in sick...God please spare me this illness. Someone needs to be able to take care of the little ones!

Please......

Annoyances of deployment...

2010-12-03T12:39:00.004-05:00

I just have to get this out or I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those people on Facebook that puts a really passive aggressive status update regarding certain people in my life.

Why do some people make a HUGE ordeal out of saying they want to help with the kids while hubby is deployed, going to the extreme of calling AND emailing all the time. Then when I eventually do ask (and it's maybe once a month) they find 101 excuses as to why they can't help.

I would be LESS offended if they didn't offer rather than putting on this ridiculous show and act to their brother/son that they are here, blah, blah, blah. They're about as here as he is.

Why do some people ask about hubby and how's he doing and then when I respond with "ehhh he's doing okay" they come back with a snarky "what did he expect!" Ummmm okay I missed that memo that says just nod and give the simple reply of "he's doing great!". My mistake!

Why do people feel the need to interject how other branches do such and such and well it's much worse here or there or blah, blah, blah. Really just shut up cause you've already pretty much offended me.

Why do people ask about how you're doing then when you try and answer that question they start in with their entire life story or weekend plans, what they did, where they went, the fight with their sister, mother, brother, etc., etc. How about just not ask next time since you're not sincerely wanting to hear what is going on in my life.

And for the love of GOD when I respond to your questions of "what does he want" to include the effing link complete with picture of item, location, etc., etc., please just click on the link and order. I really don't have the time to hold your hand and help you locate 5-hour energy drinks. Really is it that difficult? They are located in every damn check-out aisle in every store I go to but okay I get it - the Walgreens website is just too difficult.

As if that wasn't enough fun for my day I'm told I should really make an effort to go to so and so's birthday celebration on Sunday since they want it to be extra special. Really because you assholes made an effort for MY birthday or MY sons birthday? Ummm no thanks. The kids and I will be grocery shopping and cleaning on Sunday since that is our "get ready for the week" day.

I hate to be the bitchy in-law but these people are crazy and this is just crap that I don't need in my life right now. Go away and then when hubby comes home you can put on your act all over again about how you support him and what he's doing and his family, blah, blah, blah. And you can tell the world about how you survived his deployment and OMG, blah, blah, blah. Ugh I wish these people lived across the country!

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In!

2010-12-03T08:08:00.002-05:00

I'm participating in MilSpouse Friday Fill-In! Check it out over at Wife of a Sailor!

1. If you were given $1,000 right now, how would you spend it?

I'd use it to pay on one of the many bills we have. Not to mention my huge POS car needs some work done on it. So I would probably either put it to repairs or take the $1000 and put towards the pay off since it's likely that we are going to have to trade it in or face huge car repairs every month. Thank you car makers for continuing to make crap cars that don't last more than 5 years!

2. If you had to choose a movie title (a real one that already exists) for your life story, what would it be?

Little Miss Sunshine. Because our life, at times, is completely effed up yet hilariously funny and sweet at the same time.

3. If you were a teacher, what subject would you like to teach?

Gym. Then I could walk around like Sue Sylvester tormenting the kids and teachers. Or I'd teach health/sex ed because someone needs to set it straight that yes kids should abstain, however, they probably won't so here are 27 methods of birth control. Use them and stop having babies and acting like you didn't know or think it could happen. I coach high school kids. Trust me they know a lot more than any of us like to admit they know. Scary but true.

4. Has being a MilSpouse changed how you view holidays or how your holidays are celebrated? If so, how? If not, what hasn’t changed?

Oh yeah...big time! When you're husband isn't around you cherish the moments he is there. You no longer take for granted those holidays you had together. Even if you did spend the day barking at each other cause the kids and inlaws are driving you insane.

5. What is your favorite Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate) memory?

This is a hard one. Since I've had kids it's hard to think of a Christmas that hasn't been a good memory?

25 Days of Christmas: Day 4 Favorite Movies!

2010-12-02T23:13:00.003-05:00

Day 4 of 25 Day's of Christmas: Favorite Christmas Movies!

Without a doubt the funniest (of course IMO) Christmas movie ever made is this one...

I've seen this movie probably at least 50 times and I still crack up watching it. I think every family has an "Uncle Eddie" in it and I can so relate to practically losing it during the holiday season! Chevy Chase is pure genius! And the yuppie neighbors kill me! I'm pretty sure every neighborhood has one of them in it! Love, love, LOVE it!

Another favorite is Bad Santa. The hubs and I watch that every year and just die laughing. That movie is all sorts of wrong in so many ways but it's truly hysterical! Not sure I'll be able to watch it without the hubs around.

The kids love this one and I love listening to them giggle when Kevin gets the bad guys!

LOVE this one as well!

25 Day's of Christmas: Day 3 - Wish List!

2010-12-01T08:26:00.013-05:00

Linking up with 25 Day's of Christmas: Day 3 - Wish List!

I think it goes unsaid that my biggest wish for this Christmas is my hubby wrapped in a big red bow! Since that isn't a reality here are some things that catch my eye!

And yes that is a money tree! I'd use the money to pay off ALL of our bills and then share the wealth!

25 Days of Christmas: Day 2 Christmas Traditions!

2010-11-30T09:03:00.003-05:00

I'm linking up to Day 2 of 25 Days of Christmas; Christmas Traditions!

On most years I decorate the house the day after Thanksgiving. The kids and hubby like to help but I'm kind of OCD about stuff so usually on the sly go behind them and arrange ornaments to even them out. This year, the two year old went behind me and rearranged what I had already rearranged so pretty much the majority of our ornaments are on the bottom of the tree or in his toy box! With the exception of this year, we usually do a Christmas Village tha the kids love to help with. They like arranging the people and snow throughout the village and it's pretty cute to see how it changes throughout the month of December.

Normally the hubby and I do our shopping the week of Christmas. We're usually the people frantically running through the stores trying to find all the gifts we need. This year I have to have all my shopping done by the 24th. With hubby deployed this could be challenging. I'm hoping to order just about everything online except stocking stuffers. I'll be faced with the challenge of finding hiding spots for everythings since the little people in my house like to snoop!

Sadly I'm not a baker and have not started a tradition of baking Christmas cookies or making candy. I should really put forth the effort and try this year. Even if it's just store bought sugar cookie dough we could still at least decorate them. I think the kids would like doing that and it sounds like a tradition we can easily start this year.

Another tradition I'd like to start this year is taking the kids to Bronners Christmas Store. I've actually never been to Frankenmuth or Bronners but have heard great things about the place. I think the kids would enjoy an afternoon there. I just need to find a day and maybe snag a grandparent or neice to come along this year to help corral the troops!

On Christmas Eve hubby's extended family usually has a party. We normally spend Christmas morning at our house and then go to my moms for the rest of the day. Usually the day after Christmas we get together with his mom and sisters for another gift exchange and dinner. This year we're going up to Boyne Mountain . This should be interesting loading up the van with the kids and all the gifts. Not sure how that will work out but I'll find a way! With hubby gone I'm not sure what to expect in terms of emotions or doing the whole Christmas thing without him, but I'm guessing being away from home and with my family will help. The kids are beyond excited and I'm actually looking forward to getting away. We went up with my family a couple years ago the week before Christmas and it was a lot of fun. Going up over the holiday is a new tradition and one that I hope we can continue for years to come!

I don't work the week between Christmas and New Years so we usually just hang around eating a lot junk, playing with our new stuff and preparing to take down all the decorations. I normally like to have everything down by New Years Day. This gives me a couple of days to put back the house and regroup before going back to work. I'm sure this year I'll spend as much time as I can skyping (is that a word) as I can with the hubby. That is if the internet connection over there cooperates!

That's about the gist of our traditions. I'll be so glad when hubby is back for next Christmas! It sure doesn't feel like Christmas without him!

Running on hope...

2010-11-29T21:16:00.002-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with running. Heck I'm not sure I can even call what I do running or jogging. I love the feeling after a good workout and pushing myself to run another 10 minutes, however I hate how I have to literally drag myself on the treadmill to get going. So far I'm up to about 20 minutes running/2 minutes walking for a total of 60 minutes. I'm only getting about 3.5 miles in but I'm not really concerned with mileage or times, but more so building endurance. One day I'd like to be able to run a full 3.5 miles without medical intervention! I guess I'm slowly coming along. The key will be sticking to it. I have a long history of not sticking with things or being consistent for whatever reasons! I'll admit I can be a slacker at times.

I'm finding that good music on the ipod helps to keep me in the zone when running and good running shoes are a must! And since we're on the topic of accessories; through trial and error I have come to the realization that I will just have to wear 3 sports bras to be more comfortable. It sucks and I usually have a rash afterwards but it's the only way my neck and back aren't hurting afterwards. And to think women all over the world pay thousands of dollars for double d's! Do the fake ones not move as much as the real ones? Yes random I know but enquiring minds want to know!

Anyway that is my mindless dribble for the day. I'm too tired to write anything else.

Stats for the day...

3.5 miles

50 sit-ups

45 push-ups

11-27-10 Project not what I had expected?!?

2010-11-27T21:24:00.005-05:00

Check out Transformation Thursday's over at The Shabby Chic Cottage! Her ideas are fabulous!!!

Master bedroom issue #4,876,543. It all started with this...

Notice the nice mismatched furniture, the crap cluttering the top, the fake flowers (I KNOW), so much is wrong with this picture. I wanted to create a cover of some sort like the one here.

First things first, I have no sewing skills, I have little patience or time with 3 little ones running around, AND I had to do something on the cheap since there is no extra money for a fabulous fabric table skirt!

I opted for a $5 twin size sheet at Target and used some velcro and hemming iron stuff (?) that I had on hand.

Yes I keep it classy with no ironing board and using a towel underneath to prevent burning my carpet....

After cutting, ironing, measuring and lots of swearing this is what I came up with...

Not quite what I had envisioned. It does open in the middle so I can pull back both panels to access the ~~crap~~ stuff underneath. I think a different color fabric that compliments the bedding would be better. I should also request the help of Martha 2.0 aka MOM. She works the sewing machine and could probably sew in some pleats, not to mention she would probably use regular fabric and NOT a $5 sheet.

This room is my nemesis! After 5 years I still can't get it the way I want it. Eventually I would like to replace our icky Ikea bedside sconces with some swanky table lamps and decorations for the walls. Other than that I'm at a loss with this room. The furniture (triple dresser and chest) is antique and cannot be refinished or painted as its part of the Haywood Wakefield line. The rest of the stuff is Ikea and my treadmill has to stay. It's the only way it gets used. I guess I'll have to go back to the drawing board with my failed table skirt! At least I didn't spend a lot of money on it and I can live with it for awhile until I find the perfect fabric or Martha comes into save the day!

Here is some updated pics of the room...

And yes I still have yet to fix the *&^^%%*)( crooked curtain rod...LOL!

I guess its a work in progress!

Before I forget stats of the day!

miles - 3.5

sit-ups - 90

push-ups - 30

Ciao Bella!

11-26-10 Holiday Decorating

2010-11-26T19:23:00.010-05:00

I'm linking up to Star's 25 Days of Christmas!

I kicked and screamed, and kicked some more, but finally got all of the Christmas decorations hauled up from the basement. I truly had no idea how much crap we have. Really, I have a problem and need to NOT buy any Christmas decorations for the next 5 years!

We're going to Boyne Mountain for Christmas and while I didn't want to put anything up, I figured I could at least put up one of the trees and a few of our decorations. Not nearly as many as we normally do and I'll definitely be curious to see that electric bill next month! Last year it was through the roof!

Anyway here is our tree...

And the few decorations we did put up....

And thats it for this years decorations! I have to say I may actually enjoy taking it all down since it should only take and hour or so! Next year we'll go back to our insanity of 3 trees, village, garland, lights, exterior lights etc. etc.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. How is it three kids can make such a mess? Don't answer that question. Clearly that would result in more failed parenting...ugh!

Missing my love like crazy!

Ciao bella love! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

11-24-10 I want to give up..

2010-11-24T20:52:00.003-05:00

We're at that point in the deployment we're everything that can go wrong, goes wrong; I'm at the end of my rope, communication sucks, the kids are literally ~~insane~~ wonderful, and I need medication.

Yep it's been one of those days. A day where the shit rains down. We're dealing with a legal matter that is completely stressful and out of control. JAG has stepped in and the DOJ is involved but in the meantime these crazy people continue to harass the both of us over email, phone, etc. It just sucks. I hate having to take this beast on myself but I have no other choice. It's been a nightmare for a couple of years now and things have escalated to the point that it's time for something to give. Not sure what that is just yet but something with this situation needs to change and quick.

Driving home from taking princess to the doctor the stupid check engine light comes on. I just dumped $150 on this stupid POS for brakes. @#$%@%%% car!

I came home in hopes of cleaning my kitchen and making the pies for tomorrow. The kids were down playing in the basement when I went down there to check on them and noticed some water all over the floor. I start moving boxes and ~~crap~~ memories around to find more and more water. I look up at the ceiling and notice water dripping down. I run up to the kitchen and notice a flood under the sink. F.M.L. Seriously? I call my mom because thats the only person I can call when I'm freaking out and then remember to call P hubs old boss (plumbing dudes). P comes over looks at the situation, lets me know that its not as horrendous as I think it is, and probably as I'm acting it is, need a new sink and drain basket and problem should be resolved. I start to calm down realizing that my basement is not backing up, the upstairs is not flooding and caving in, etc., etc. Whew...I guess something to be thankful for?!?

The urge to tear open that package I'm sending to the desert and eat those double stuff oreos is pretty damn huge right now....just sayin!

So today can officially kiss my ass....all 2.25 of them....see I'm down from 2.5! Perhaps another thing to be thankful for?

Before I forget stats from Monday -

3.0 miles

80 sit ups

40 push ups

11-20-10 Missing him...

2010-11-20T18:30:00.003-05:00

Everywhere I turn today I'm reminded of him and just how far away he is and how much I miss him. It really sucks. Deployment really, really SUCKS. We went to the FRG meeting today where my kids decided to act like ~~animals~~ kids. Wait, actually, they were good for about 20 minutes then they got bored and decided they could not share toys or sit quietly and listen. Needless to say I spent the majority of the meeting in the gym watching them chase each other while trying to listen to the meeting....yeah not very successful in that endeavor....

The president of the FRG stepped down today and handed it over to another wife. Of course when something like that happens in a room full of 20 females you can see the looks and whispers of "what is going on..." I felt bad for the president because she really worked hard and seemed like this decision was very hard on her. I know what that is like when I had to give up coaching years ago. Anyway the new president starts to talk about the transition when one lady pipes in with...

"ummmmm excuse me miss but what is your husbands rank......?"

LOL there it is! I actually witnessed, in person, the rank pecking order and just how petty some women can be. Interestingly enough my kids were actually quiet along with everyone else during this exchange.

New president actually handled the question very well and answered with a very diplomatic, "my husband is an E6 waiting on promotion to E7 and has been in the service for 28 years..." Surprisingly that shut up skank-a-rank chick for the rest of the meeting.

I know I'm new to all of this but seriously why would her husbands rank matter? If a person has the ability, knowledge, resources AND time to step-up should it matter if their husband is captain or PFC? Sorry ladies and gents I just don't get it. I guess only higher ranking people are capable of responsibility? I guess the verdict is still out on that one...

While my ~~animals~~ kids were running around the gym the rear detach SSG came out to give a message to one of the ladies. Lil man sees him come out of the office and starts running yelling "DAAAAA". My heart sank. I realized that he probably sees ACUs and just assumes that means dad is around somewhere. You can tell SSG probably experiences this more than he likes to admit and was a good sport and said hi to the kids and asked them if they were having fun running around. Ugh I miss my husband. The kids miss their dad. This sucks.

And while the violins are playing let me just take a moment and whine about the horrible internet service they have and how damn expensive it is for it to not work 85% of the time. Screw you shitty internet service! Thank you USO for providing FREE phones for the guys to use. This at least lets me connect with him for a few minutes every 3-4 days! Okay enough whining...

I need to do some online shopping now for Christmas. My sister rented condo's for Christmas so we are all going up there for the holiday. Woohooo but that means I can't be the last minute jackass running through the stores on the 24th. This means proper planning and being actually prepared this year. Yeah I know you can stop laughing now!

Ciao bella!

I love you babe and miss you more than you'll ever know. Stay safe and I hope we'll be able to at least talk tomorrow/today considering you're how many hours ahead of us?

xoxoxoxoxo

11-19-10 MilSpouse Friday!

2010-11-19T11:10:00.005-05:00

Join in the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In over at Wife of a Sailor and learn all kind sof exciting things about fellow MilSpouses!

1. If you had to be shipwrecked on a deserted island, but all your human needs – such as food and water – were taken care of, what two items would you want to have with you?

Definitely my hottie mchotterson hubby and the kids. Although some days like today my kids really drove me to the brink but I still love them to pieces!

2. If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have?

Honey mustard even though it's the worst kind calorie and fat wise! I hate vinaigrette anything so honey mustard it is! And yes my thighs and ass are screaming NO!

3. If you had to live on a ranch, what kind of animals would you raise/own?

Hmm this is hard. Hubs and I aren't really animal people. Probably because we have 3 kids and that keeps us more than occupied with our time. If this is fantasy world and I'm pretending then I'll say horses. And that should keep my husband laughing for a few hours! The picture of he or I on a horse is enough to make me laugh for days on end!

4. If your life was was portrayed as a movie, who would you choose to play you and your significant other?

Another toughie! I don't really think I resemble any sort of celebrity but if we're choosing who can play us then I'm going to go with JLO for me and Bruce Willis for him. Let it be said that the only thing JLO and I have in common is eye color and serious junk in the trunk. Bruce Willis for him because of his sexy bald head and the crooked smart ass grin that my hubby always shoots my direction....LOVE a man with a sense of humor.

5. What was the last thing you put a stamp on (envelope, duh, but what was in the envelope)?

Of course packages to my love! Sending out 3 today...does anyone else's husband go through notebooks and writing journals as much as mine does? Just curious what things other people send! We're newbies in all of this!

11-17-10

2010-11-17T19:01:00.003-05:00

Another day sick, another day at the doctors, more medicine administered. Thankfully though the shot in the ass did the trick. My headache and heart racing has finally stopped and now I'm just exhausted.

The kids are adjusting to the weather change well. Princess had her book fair today and was able to get 3 books with the $7 I gave her. Mouth lost his ipod charger and is pretty upset about it but realizes that part of having "toys" is being able to be responsible for them and keep track of things. He is going to use some of his birthday money to replace the charger. I feel bad not doing it for him but part of the deal of him getting an ipod was to show responsibility and how to take care of your belongings. The lil man is/was a pill today. He knows exactly when mom is sick and exactly when to act like he's had 13 red bulls! He finally just passed out but it certainly wasn't without a fight. The kids watched Toy Story 3 again! That movie is great. I love the scenes with Barbie and Ken - hilarious!

So communication from the desert to here has been shit so far. I know I shouldn't complain because lets face it - how many of our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers didn't have any sort of communication at all? We'll get through it it's just been a tough week.

Day 2 of not getting on the treadmill or doing any exercise at all but since I've been home sick in bed for 2 days guess that really shouldn't be a priority right now. I wonder why my body is so sensitive to medications and why I have such issues with them?

11-16-10 Medication FAIL

2010-11-16T20:14:00.005-05:00

Since I was sick last night here is yesterdays stats...

Miles 3.0

Sit-ups 80

Push-ups 40

That's about all I can remember!

I started a new prescription yesterday and lets just say that I had about every side effect listed. I seriously considered going to the ER last night but how do you wake up 3 kids at 11pm and take them to the ER? I thought about calling my mom and dad but one of them would have to drive me while the other stays here and my dad commutes about 1.5 to work each day and I just couldn't do that. So I laid in bed panting all night, the meds made my heart race, dizzy, severe headache, itching, etc., and prayed for the crap to hurry up and leave my system. Absolutely horrible stuff! HORRIBLE!

I spent the entire day in bed trying to sleep it off. Still have a headache but no where near what it was last night! Thank GOD my mom comes on Tuesday's so she could drive the kids to school this morning.

11-15-10 Military things I've learned...

2010-11-15T13:18:00.010-05:00

Being new to the military can be quite intimidating at times! Being that we are National Guard I have found to be even more challenging since the Guard can be quite unique at times, and like everything else in the world people love to ASSume things.

To help acclimate myself to the military world I joined an online community and learned that I was probably 10 years older than most of the people in the community and most people were active duty living on a base. I learned that I didn't relate to the pecking order or understanding that all FRGs are horrible and out to "destroy families..." I also learned that I'm not really comfortable sharing information like photos of my husband or post about our fights, sexual drama, and what have you. Not to say that is wrong - it's just not something I'm comfortable with so needless to say I didn't really fit it or have a lot of friends there. Different strokes for different folks right!

I then moved onto another online community (still only as a reader, never much of a poster) and still found drama, drama, and more drama. Again I'm not judging or knocking others for doing it - it's just not something I feel like investing my time with. With 3 kids, a full time job, a coaching gig, AND a deployed husband I just want to find a place that I can learn information in a non-threatening, pecking order kind of way. See hubby and I are in our 30's and joining this late in life in the military world we're kind of viewed as retarded dinosaurs (words of hubs and his battle buddies)! Plus I have found that rank is kind of everything in the military (to some) and when you don't hold any (some) people won't give you the time of the day. That's okay though because both hubs and I have the understanding that you have to start somewhere and work your way up. Neither one of us were born with a silver spoon and we've pretty much had to fight for everything we have so we're cool with him being a non-ranking old fart in the Guard.

While hubs was in BCT and AIT I pretty much spent all my time reading the various military boards trying to absorb all the information I could to gain some sort of understanding of things. What I have found in real life versus what I read is completely different to my surprise.

For starters, I really like the women running the FRG for hubs unit. They seem down-to-earth, funny, intelligent women that are devoting time and energy into a project that I don't have time or energy for. Major props to them! There has really only been one person to kind of give me the side eye when she learned my hubs just joined, just finished BCT, AIT and then deployed at our age and non-ranking status. She wasn't the 3-headed monster I pictured her to be after reading all the drama with women and FRG members on the various online military communities, but she clearly is about rank and who's who in the military community. No skin off my back! It is what it is...we are in our 30's, hubs just joined and doesn't hold any rank. Damn....shocking I know!

Another false myth was the Guard is run by a bunch of fat morons that couldn't hack it in the real military. This couldn't be farther from the truth. From what I have encountered, and again I'm just a spouse, but I have seen nothing but professionalism and leadership from hubs unit. Of course there have been some blunders, there is in every unit or organization, but certainly nothing that screams out of the ordinary. The NCO's and Officers I've encountered have all been pretty squared away and hubs doesn't really have problems or issues with any of them. He truly respects them and their service as they respect him and his service. Again, when you read something for months on end that NCO's and Officers generally hate lower enlisted and go out of their way to make their life hell you kind of expect the worst. I was surprised that so far this has not been the case. That's not to say we/he won't experience issues somewhere down the road, but so far so good! Plus maybe because we're dinosaurs we also understand that if you do your job and typically stay out of trouble you really don't have much to worry about!

Perhaps the biggest and most hilarious false myth I ever read/heard was "they will never deploy him fresh out of AIT." Hahahahahahaha. Yeah Okay. Hubs ended AIT in June and started the deployment process in July. Really nothing more to say about that one!

I've learned about OPSEC and how much of it is common sense (well to me anyway) and how much of a nightmare it must be to manage it given all of today's technology. I've learned that well-meaning morons will try and say something supportive or sympathetic but end up saying things like "how do you sleep knowing your husband is in a combat zone...", or "wow I heard things are about to blow up over there....". Yeah morons think before you speak! I've learned that personally I don't like looking at things like "donut of misery" or tickers or countdowns reminding me how much longer we have. I've learned that it's best not to share any sort of information with family members. Being vague is what works best for me. The less they know the less I have to hear their opinion on things or how they read such and such or heard this and that. I'm finding that the more annoying the person is, the more likely I'm going to just give them "it's classified" excuse so I don't have to deal with their curiosity on things. Of course they still email me 22 times asking the same question I answered with "I don't know because it's classififed and they don't tell us...."!

It's taken some time to get used to things but I'm learning as we go. I'm learning that I have to do what's best for myself and my kids while hubs is deployed. If that means putting some people at a distance (aka certain family members) until he gets back that's what I have to do to survive.

In the meantime next time I read something military related I'm going to take it with a grain of salt and take the wait-and-see approach! God bless all the troops and their families! This lifestyle is not for the weak!

11-14-10

2010-11-14T22:49:00.003-05:00

Operation Curtains - FAIL

The master bedroom has annoyed me for years. Not sure if its the paint colors I picked, the bedding, the furniture, etc., I'm just annoyed with it.

The comforter set we had was nice in the pictures but it was just too big and hot to keep on the bed while sleeping. I'm not one of those people that has a place or the patience to remove a comforter each night and then put it back on in the morning. Heck I'm lucky if the bed even gets made once per week. That being said I pulled the comforter off years ago and just used our down comforter.

While at Target this weekend buying shoes and coats for the kids I walked past the clearance end cap and found a comforter that would match perfectly with the burnt orange wall we have. Ideally I wanted to repaint the room and start over but financially that just wasn't going to happen. Not too mention there is NO way I'm painting this room again by myself. Did it last time and swore never again. The furniture is insanely heavy so it's just not possible without him here. Anyway I'm rambling. So I picked up the comforter and some drapery panels also on clearance for $5 a piece!

This is where it all begins. I found a curtain rod but noticed when checking out that it was cracked so didn't buy it. On the way home from Target we stopped at Lowes. Hmph that was fun with a crabby 2 year old. Found a rod that I thought would work and took it home. Put the little man down for a nap and got to work. I wasn't able to move the treadmill so I had to resort to putting a chair on the treadmill in order to install the brackets - yeah smart I know. So I get the brackets up, admire my work that they are all even and secure and then go to hang the rod.

F#$%$%#$% ))()(*)(*)(*( Are you kidding me? Seriously really? This is not happening....

From Mobile

Great I risked breaking my leg and the stupid rod is not even the right length? WTH was I thinking? Oh that's right I was standing in Lowes with a screaming 2 year old and a 5 year old that kept insisting that she needed the pink rug we passed on the way to the drapery isle. Ugh...

So today I get up and tackle taking down the brackets and drapes, packing everything up including the kids and go to Lowes to return said rod and head off to Target again. I should have gone to ikea but just couldn't handle going there with the kids this weekend. I get a new rod from Target, come home and start all over again. Chair on treadmill, getting brackets screwed in and then putting the rod in place. This time the middle bracket popped off the wall. *Y(*Y(U))(Y^^())%%%$$^U. So while holding the rod in place I screw the bracket back into the wall, step off my chair and look up to see this...

From Mobile

Yep that's right the middle bracket is at least .5" off from the other two. Yep now my drapes sag in the middle. Yep looks like complete and utter crap. I will likely loose sleep over this until I muster up the energy to attack this project again. Geesh I tell you never in my life have I had such issues with a damn curtain rod!

Despite the curtain rod drama I do like the new bedding set. I'll take more pictures when the rest of the room is clean and presentable!

From Mobile

11-13-10

2010-11-13T21:02:00.003-05:00

Stats of the day-

Miles jogged/walked - 2.8; 380 calories

Sit-ups - 60

Push-ups - 30

Money spent - too much

Annoyances - back talking, curbs, curtain rods and exhaustion (there's a story there...)

I am dog tired today. We were on the road fairly early taking princess to dance class. After that we had to run errands and then back home for a bit, then more errands, then dinner, then the kids bed time, working out, etc., etc. Its only 9pm but it feels like midnight.

Picked up some things to send off to the desert tomorrow. Hopefully they'll make it unscathed and in tact upon arrival. Hopefully this will help with communication. I still think it's crap that deployed personnel have to pay for their own internet upwards of $60-$80 per month in some areas but it is what it is. I wouldn't complain if our personnel were getting paid like contractors do but I suppose that's a rant for another day. Just sayin....100-140k salary is a helluva difference from 30-50k salary that lower ranking military members bring in. And now I'm changing the topic...

I had some fun pictures to post from the day but of course I'm having technical issues and I'm too darn tired to try and figure them out. Oh well I'll put them up another day.

Missing and loving my boo!

Back to blog land!

2010-11-12T22:45:00.003-05:00

It's been a L-O-N-G time since I've been on blogger. I decided to come back since the hubs is now deployed and wanted to try and document the craziness around here. Since this is the first blog of deployment here's some facts to get us started.

Locations: I'm in the midwest dreading the upcoming winter and he's deployed somewhere hot and sandy!

Key players: Me - mom to 3 kiddos; princess, lil assassin, and mouth. Wife to Hottie McHotterson. I am completely sarcastic and snarky at times and live to laugh, or at least try to find laughter in most situations! Our life is completely insane and so far from perfect its funny!

So far this deployment has not killed me, or should I say landed me in the psych ward for completely loosing my mind. I'm trying the one-day-at-a-time approach and so far its working. Thats not to say we haven't had a bumpy road thus far! Busted washing machine, flooded laundry room, broken down car, broken/lost cell phone, big ass skunk in back yard, etc., etc., basically your normal dysfunction when dealing with a spouse that is thousands of miles away.

All I can say about today is TGIF! I was over joyed with the fact that I could end my week with my annual pelvic exam/pap smear appointment then off to pick up our ~~happy~~ tired and crabby children. Yes I did just over share with the world but I like to keep it real....just sayin.

It's been a long week and the kids and I are tired. They went to bed while I hit the treadmill running - literally. Yes I am forcing myself and my 2.5 asses to run in hopes of losing at least 1.25 of said asses. While he's oversea's doing his thing I'm hoping to become a runner. Okay now that I've stopped laughing I mean I'm hoping to be more in shape and perhaps actually be able to jog a full 2-3 miles without collapsing and needing medical intervention. So far I'm at about .5-1.0 miles jogging and then alternating with speed walking up to 2.5-3.0 miles. Rome wasn't built in a day people....Bruce Jenner I am not!

So that's about all I have for today. My legs are still crying out in pain from my work out earlier and like I said, today wasn't the highlight of my week. I mean maybe next week we can shoot for something greater like grocery shopping or parent/teacher conferences. Nothing says parenting fail like going to the grocery store with 3 kids or attending parent/teacher conferences! Kidding!

Ciao bella!

Love you, miss you and proud of you Hottie McHotterson!

Breaking News!

2010-01-12T15:44:00.002-05:00

Apparently the ever growing size of my derriere is not due to all the cookies and sweets I eat, but rather, unbeknown to me, my ass houses an ATM machine. This is news to me...

And like all ATM machines I'm going to increase my rates. For every $20 retrieved I'm expecting, clean kitchen, clean bathrooms, tidy bedrooms, etc. And like every bank in America expect fee schedules to change every 30 days depending on the market.

Lord give me the strength to not choke someone please.

$12.50 Table Makover

2009-11-11T08:38:00.009-05:00

Joining the party!

In my living room we have a chair that needed a table to go with it. Since it's a small space I was challenged with finding something small and cheap. I scoured Craigslist and my basement in hopes of finding something. I came up empty handed so I justified a shopping excursion to Ikea. Luckily for me Ikea, Home Goods and Hobby Lobby are all within 1 mile of each other! Woohoo! Trust me my husband starts twitching every time I tell him I'm headed that way. Anyhoo - I walked into Ikea thinking I would just purchase the black metal side table for $19.99. After inspecting it, I found that it just wasn't right for the space and that the kids would end up using it as a toy. As I'm browsing the table section I came across one of Ikea's famous yellow clearance signs for this beauty!

They were discontinuing this table so it was marked down to $12.00! SCORE. Knowing my love for black spray paint I knew I could transform this beauty. I took her home and gave her a 2 coats of black satin spray paint. I use the Lowes brand whatever that is called. I also had a piece of black checked scrap book paper from the Hob Lob. I've used this pattern in various accent pieces throughout the downstairs so I figured why not use it on the table! Out comes my other favorite thing in the world - Modge Podge - and off to work we went. My husband gave me his "you're crazy" look and went back to watching football. Little did he know that I would turn that plain Jane wooden table into this...

Ain't she purty???

I really need to learn how to take better pictures! Oh and we don't have many accessories on the table due to the 16 month old running around grabbing everything off tables!

Makeover total:

$12.00 table

.50 paper

0.00 Modge Podge on hand

0.00 Black spray paint on hand

Total $12.50!!!

Nipplegate

2009-11-10T13:34:00.003-05:00

I was hoping all things breast related would be short lived - apparently that was wishful thinking on my part. On 10/2 I had surgery to remove all the ducts in my right breast along with a punch biopsy of the nipple area. This all started with bloody discharge and the nipple area rapidly changing. The biopsy report came back as benign, praise God, so our days of "nipplegate" would soon be over. Not so much. A couple weeks ago I started having more discharge and I assumed it was normal drainage from the nipple. On Saturday I started gushing fluid from my incision site and noticed that part of it was opened. I went to the ER and they said it was infected and put me on iv antibiotics and gave me a prescription for bactrum. I returned to my surgeon's office this morning and they said still infected but put me off work for a couple of days, gave me some pain meds and said to rest and put the binder back on and absolutely no picking up kids or putting pressure on the breast. Ok can I just say YEAH RIGHT. How is that possible with three small kids? Sure my husband is here helping and doing all the things I can't but sometimes you just can't avoid picking up the 16 month old that is trying to climb over the gate. Or the many toys left all over the house from princess.

Anyway I guess I better listen to doctors orders and rest so I can get past all this. I have too many home projects waiting for me, coughlaundryroomcough, that need my attention. Plus my modge podge is screaming my name asking to be used!

Meanwhile since I'll be in la-la land I'll head out to blogworld to check all my decorating peeps to see what fabulous projects they've completed. I'm so project envy its crazy!

Eye Candy Halloween Eve Style!

2009-10-30T12:42:00.005-04:00

The excitement is in the air - can you feel it? The kids were full of joy this morning and looking forward to a day of Halloween treats, costumes, parties and all around fun. Tonight we'll carve our pumpkins and get ready for our big day tomorrow.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do with our party this year. Do I have all the food in the garage so people can actually sit down and eat at the tables or do I have the food inside and just let people mingle? I still haven't decided and probably won't until sometime tomorrow when I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Anyway I needed some inspiration for beautiful Halloween tables. Check this eye candy...

ehow.com

flickr.com

gonetapott.com

createmyevent.com

countryliving.com

ghostwatchers.com

divinedinnerparty.com

holycrossbanquet.com

pittmeadowscc.com

bhg.com

banquetevent.com

flickr.com

Halloween Countdown!

2009-10-29T12:01:00.013-04:00

Halloween is in 2 days - T W O days! Awww yeah! So excited but have so much to do. Tonight I am making spider cookies for both of the kids class parties. I hope they turn out as cute as the ones in this photo.

http://saffronhut.blogspot.com/

I am trying to finalize the menu for our party on Saturday. We're pretty laid back people so no china or fine dining here. I'm thinking fun, frugal and kid friendly foods! Here's what I have so far...

Chips and dip with carrot hand!

Pizza Mummies

Hot dogs

Mac-n-cheese

Smores fixins

Halloween cupcakes

Spooky Juice

Hot Cider

Cold Cider

And anything else our guests bring! I'm really crossing my fingers for decent weather. Tomorrow calls for rain as does Saturday morning and all day Sunday. Certainly not like the mild Halloween weather we had last year.

I'm also putting the finishing touches on all the costumes tonight. Tomorrow the oldest two will have Halloween parades at school! Princess wants me to curl her hair for it but I just don't think that will happen tomorrow morning considering I have to meet with the school at 8:30 for our oldest. Anyway I can't wait to see Miss Princess in her costume!

The oldest is going as Dr Rex or something from Star Wars. He will not be walking around with the gun shown in this picture!

Little man will make his debut as an adorable teddy bear!

Happy almost Halloween! Trick-or-Treat!

$40 Halloween Decorations

2009-10-25T19:30:00.017-04:00

I've been on a serious mission to find/make Halloween decorations for next to nothing. The Dollar Tree stores around here haven't had much this year and the thrift stores were a bit overpriced in my opinion. That being said I needed to find things around the house I could use as well as being crafty!

I started in the entryway with cutout bats. I used clip art in Microsoft Word and adjusted the size of the bats. I printed off several sheets and cut out the bats. I didn't use cardstock - which would have been MUCH better, but plain copy paper works as well. I had leftover spider webbing from last Halloween to put around the pictures. Using Word again, I created a calendar and sign for the picture frames. I kept them in black and white as well. Using ribbon and the little bit of cardstock that I did have I created the "Spooky" banner. Total for this area of the house = $0. I'm happy with the outcome.

Hobby Lobby had all their Halloween stuff 40% off. I found a Halloween banner for .99 and used Halloween scrap paper that I got 3-$1 and modge podge (had from other projects) to create this.

I originally wanted to find a long oblong candle holder to put candles and candy corn candy on the half wall that separates the kitchen and eating area. I couldn't find anything that worked so found some small paper bags at Hob Lob - 3 for $1, tissue paper .99 each (orange, black) and scrap paper to create a fun "Trick or Treat" sign. I printed off the letters in Word and cut them out. I got the spider candle holder and sequin pumpkin at Hob Lob for $1.99 and .99. This turned out to be my favorite project!

Hob Lob had their plate chargers for $1.99. I picked up two and modge podged (is that a

word?) scrap book paper to them. I got 2 fake pumpkins from Hob Lob for .99 each and cut them in half and hot glued them to the plates. I think this would like a lot better if my plate rack was bigger, but for now it works.

Finally the last of our decorations rest on the tv armoire in the living room. Using candles, candle holders and tulle that I already had I found the pack of pumpkins at Walmart for $5 and the "Beware" sign for $2. The witches hat was $3.00 at Hob Lob and the pumpkins were $2 each at a local farm. My daughter ended up naming our pumpkin witch "Bertha". I have no idea where this name came from but it completely cracked me up. We used scrap book paper and modge podge for the eyes, nose and mouth. All and all I think it turned out cute.

So that's it for this year's Halloween decorations! Oh wait one more, our grand table centerpiece...NOT, just came up with a little something for the table so it wouldn't feel left out!

Can't wait for Saturday. Trick or Treat!

Baby News!

2009-10-23T11:56:00.005-04:00

I just received the most wonderful news - one of my oldest and dearest friends is pregnant - hooray! I can't wait for her to experience life's biggest miracle. After being told she will never get pregnant or have babies this was great news for her. I'm so excited for her!

With all three of my pregnancies I nested like a crazy woman and started preparing from the 2nd trimester on. Each nursery was planned and prepared well before my babies made their debuts. I used spreadsheets to plan the budget and figured out what I could and couldn't live without. I scoured baby websites looking for the perfect accessories, bedding and color schemes. I washed, folded and put away all the little clothes as the books tell you, and then prepared the changing table with diapers, wipes, burp clothes neatly rolled in baskets, etc. All this planning and obsessing over small details for months on end. By the time my babies were 4 weeks old it didn't matter anymore. All I cared about was diapers, wipes, formula, breast pump, bottles and sleep. With the third I was lucky to find a pair of matching socks and a clean shirt!

Now that my youngest is now 18 months enough of all that baby talk - on with the goods! Nursery goods that is. Beautiful nursery eye candy. Nurseries that make your heart go pitter patter.

See didn't that just make you feel happy looking at those pictures? Love the designs of these rooms. Here's my words of wisdom for new moms creating nurseries on a budget.

Go with neutral furniture that will grow with them
Skip the comforter bedding sets - comforters are a no no with babies
If you're heart is set on a bumper (and mine was) get your favorite and start decorating. Make sure you remove it once your baby starts moving
Ikea has GREAT furniture for kids rooms. Sure it's a PITB to put it all together but it looks great, has clean lines and cost a fraction of what Pottery Barn or Buy Buy Baby has.
The matchy-matchy baby stuff can be overkill. Buy a few pattern pieces and then pick a few solid colors to use along with it.
Second hand stores can have some great stuff at a fraction of the cost
Craigslist and garage sales are great for dressers, changing tables, bookshelves, especially if you're handy and looking to repaint, refinish, etc.
Do NOT fall victim to purchasing everything on the baby registry (must have) list - it's a crock and you really only need about a 1/4 of those things
Decorate with classic books, picture frames with homemade art (think scrapbook paper), shelves, banners, etc.

After having three babies my biggest regret is not purchasing the really comfy rocking chair and ottoman that I wanted. Beside the crib, my boobs, and diapers, nothing else was really necessary.

And that's my .2 cents on all things baby! What are your recommendations?

Master bedroom woes...

2009-10-22T21:05:00.008-04:00

First off I can't believe I'm posting this. I should be embarrassed and hanging my head in shame. While I have many other projects around the house that need my attention, my master bedroom is just dreadful. I hate it. I've tried to salvage the relationship with it but I'm ready

to divorce it. It just isn't me. Here is the room is all its glory. Now a treadmill resides where the bookshelf and ghetto fab ikea chairs are sitting. BTW the ikea chairs were thrown in the basement. Ideally we'd like to get real grown up chairs but I suppose that comes with time and money!

The dressing table now has a real wooden chair instead of my ikea standby folding chair. Fab I know! My dilemma is the room is 20 x 17 and my triple dresser and chest are Heywood Wakefield meaning I cannot paint them or refinish them. An antique dealer is interested in buying them but I may wait until the price is right. That being said any ideas on color and bedding given the fact that I cannot change the furniture right now?

I've been drooling over these inspiration pics.

What spaces drive you nuts and leave you constantly wanting something else?

Decorating Disasters

2009-10-22T07:28:00.016-04:00

Christy at Embellished Bayou is hosting a great party today called Throwback Thursday: Decorating Mistakes. Let me tell you my entire blog could be filled of decorating mistakes but I'll just post one for now. Anyway - the point of the party is to bravely show your decorating mistakes. Are you brave enough? Check out Christy's party at Embellished Bayou.

We moved into our house in February 2006. The first floor of our house has a flex room that I thought would be great as an office. Yeah because having an entire room to house crap that never gets used or looked at is a good idea. That and the fact that we are on laptops was hilarious considering I actually made my husband move the God awful desk to the new house.

Here is what the room looked like shortly after we moved in...

Where do I even begin? The treadmill full with piles of paper neatly stacked on it. The ridiculously huge desk with laptop on top of it. The plastic storage bin. The old filing cabinet. Oh lawd this is worse than I remember. Thankfully I came to my senses and realized this room was tragic and needed a serious intervention. Not having much in the budget to work with I concocted a plan to take the dining set and hutch from the eating area and move it into this room to make it a ~~formal~~ dining room. My husband wasn't really thrilled with the plan but I reminded him that the kids were destroying one of the few items of good furniture that we had so it was time to go to ikea and buy a cheap table that I didn't care about.

Fast forward to painting, hanging drapes, moving furniture, installing a chandelier and this is the new dining room.

I have added a lot of accessories and the table now has a table runner and nice centerpiece that I need to get an updated picture of. But even with the minimal accessories in this picture it's a thousand times more liveable than before! I'll try and post some updated pictures of the room tonight!

So that is just one of my decorating disasters -trust me there are plenty. Martha Stewart I am not! Dare to share yours? Hop on over to Embellished Bayou and join the fun!

Cheap Makeovers

2009-10-21T20:12:00.016-04:00

In spirit of being thrifty I figured I would post one of my many cheap makeovers! The kitchen, eating area, and living room are all one big open space. I had a wall that I couldn't figure out what to do with. Originally we put the dinning hutch there, but then moved that into the flex room/office that was converted into the ~~formal~~ dining room. Who am I kidding nothing is formal in this house!

Once Noah was born the wall housed the pack n play but that didn't last once we finally bought new furniture and painted - three years after the house was built. Thank heavens no more builder white. After browsing through several hundred inspiration pics I finally decided to create a desk area that could serve as storage but also a place for the oldest to do his homework. My inspiration of course was a piece from Pottery Barn.

At a price tag of $199 for the hutch and another $699 for the desk this just wasn't happening. I started looking on craigslist for something and found a desk for $10. Of course I didn't save the actual original picture of the desk I bought, but lets just say it was hideous. Here is a photo that resembles what the original looked like.

I saw potential although most people would go running for the hills, or in this area they would run to ikea for shopping on a budget! Out comes the black paint and new hardware. After sanding, priming and painting what seemed like multiple coats it was finally finished. I had to glue one of the drawers back together and the kick plate on the bottom was split so I used a piece of wood laying around and nailed it on prior to painting. Once the hard part of this project was done it was time to find accessories and decorate! Yay the fun part. Here's the end result.

Project Breakdown:

Desk $10 (Craigslist)

Paint $0 leftover from other projects

Hardware $12 (Lowes)

Lamp/shade $11.99 (ikea)

Star .50 (Salvation Army)

Silver tray $1 (Dollar Tree)

Candle $1 (Dollar Tree)

Candle Base $1 (Dollar Tree)

Lantern $4.99 (ikea)

Clock $6.99 (ikea)

Decorative Stalks $4.99 (ikea)

Vase that you can't really see $5 (Salvation Army)

Picture Frames $1 (Dollar Tree)

Picture Rack/Hooks (ikea) already had for another project

Total: $62.46

Not bad for some elbow grease and repurposing a few things we had! Eventually I would like to add some shelves like the Thrifty Decor Chick did here. As with everything its a work in progress but hey for $62 and some change I'm pleased!

What are some of your cheap makeovers?

I'm linked to Transformation Thursday.

Halloween has landed!

2009-10-21T10:28:00.006-04:00

Only 10 days left until Halloween is here! Can I get a woo-hoo! Every year we host an annual Halloween party. While it may not be the huge catered, DJ spinning - beer pong table having event, it's fun and the kids will ~~hopefully~~ certainly have memories of Halloween as a child.
In spirit of the upcoming festivities check out this eye candy...

Pricey but creative design

Oh Pottery Barn how I love thee! On second thought love your style and design but your prices are crap. How can anyone afford that stuff in this economy? Especially when much of the home decor is easily copied at a fraction of the cost. I'll save that for another day...

Dream Room

Be still my heart...Better Homes and Gardens does it every time! I lurve this picture! This room is just gorgeous. I picture myself sipping coffee and admiring the beauty of this room, while the kids enter and start ~~destroying~~ exploring the various design elements. A girl can dream though...

BLING, BLING YO!

I have no idea who came up with such brilliance so feel free to holla if this is yours! What girl doesn't love bling? And now pumpkins aren't exempt from such fabulousity (is that a word). This.is.beautiful. And such an easy project that anyone can do it! My daughter would love this. Really her and I could make a day of sequins, pumpkins and sharing our love of bling with nature. This one is definitely going in the to-do file!

We are finishing up the last of our Halloween decorating and will certainly share. Will you do the same?